This is a story of mirroring, of behavior observed and copied. It is a story of reflective growth and learning.
Muslin, book board, image transfers, embroidery, ink, paint
I think that sometimes it’s harder to love my mom
than to love a partner
Because from before birth I was consumed
and overwhelmed by love from her
When I am falling for someone, I can see it;
I am in control;
I am allowed to adjust,
Allotted time to get used to,
become aware of,
notice,
learn,
know,
understand
And so when I talk about loving my mother
It is a quick reaction to say yes, of course
But there are points where sometimes it's hard to understand
because I had no time to question it
I had no time for doubt
But now, I must
get used to,
become aware of,
notice,
learn,
know,
and understand
I need to give myself time to consciously love back
While simultaneously
never stop loving her
because my mother
my mom, she won’t understand
She won’t know what it's like because she never doubted loving me
And if she did,
it was most likely before she watched me take my first breath
and the doubt didn’t last but a moment
because she saw me
and felt me come into this world
And that was overwhelming enough
to last her
a lifetime of love
And someday,
I might see her take her last breath
or see someone else take their first
---------------
and , if neither,
I will see plenty of breaths in between
I will feel
and hear
my own and one day I'll know
I'll begin to understand
how many breaths my mom took for me
And maybe that
will be enough
to last a lifetime
enough
to adjust
to become aware of
notice
learn
know
understand
that will be what I needed to know
what i needed to feel
what i needed to understand what I mean when I say “I love you too, mom”